The Paralyzing Effects of The Blue Card

So in grade school I remember a little boy that didn’t have anything to bring to show and tell. When it was his turn to go up in front of the group he slowly started crying and said his dad was killed in the war. Just then, all of us bystanders started feeling a sense of sadness and whimpering where one kid cued the other on exactly what to do. Most of us had forgotten by that moment that this kid was an absolute tyrant, ready to bully anyone that got in his way. In modern terms we’d certainly add that any psychologically disturbed child will inevitably act out, and his reasons would be understood and credible. But his particular kid had many of these disproportionate levels of emotion. Another time we were out playing kickball and he threw a red ball on a little girls face so hard she fell and hit herself on the pavement. As he was walking away the PE teacher called him out and pulled him aside. His defiance was intense and initially any effort of talking about what happened was futile, until enough of his peers started listening in on the talk. When he felt surrounded, out of nowhere he suddenly said he had heart problems and put his hand on his stomach. Once again, one by one we all went and hugged him. I remember the PE teacher taking him aside and speaking to him softly until her hug embraced him for a long time. Such was the first introduction to what I later found out was actually a thing. Until then I hadn’t realized you could literally change the atmosphere and render people mute instantaneously. It was kind of amazing.

As the years progressed, I started working at a drive-in theater. There was this other kid that helped me make snow cones and cotton candy for customers. So one day I decided to go against protocol and spend the early evening actually watching the movie while my “assistant” took care of the orders. At the end of the night I did the counting of the leftover containers and cones and was super short, the money didn’t add up to the sales, a detail the owner of the drive in didn’t accept. It was quite a bit of money and the nice little kid that was helping me couldn’t have possibly took anything. I decided to tell my boss the owner the truth and surrender the fact that I watched one of the movies and only started helping again after intermission. So then by default I put the kid on the spot. He was interrogated by the owner and it all suddenly turned into one big dramatic fiasco. The poor little kid was so scared he peed his pants, but not before telling the owner that his house had burned down and jesus told him to take the money to help his mom. How could the owner possibly go against that, I mean it was jesus that spoke directly to the kid. Nothing became of it except the owner gave him additional money and I was scolded for watching a movie instead of working. I was left figuring out what had just happened, but life went on.

I started dating this one girl when I was about 15. On a beautiful saturday afternoon most of my friends were going to work out at another friend’s garage, then ride up to the laundromat to play Stargate and probably smoke a cigarette or something fun after that. Certainly knowing what I know now, I just wasn’t interested in spending time with this young lady, even after I said i’d be there. As it turned out I went over, had a late lunch with her mom and dad and then they left us alone in the living room with the television on to talk. All I could think of was how much fun my buddies were having back home and how I could plan my exit, leave and go. So, I did what any Pac-man loving male would do and said, “Hey, I think maybe I should go.” She said, “ but you just got here two hours ago.” I said, “yeah, but I just need to get going.” She suddenly put her head in her hands and very softly filled me in on her liver cancer diagnosis, she started getting so sad that I felt bad and stopped thinking about leaving. I quickly went to the bathroom and didn’t realize the door was supposed to be locked and found her dad on the potty. I said, “ Oh geez, sorry I’m sorry it’s just that your daughter is crying about her diagnosis and I wanted to get her a napkin or a towel.” “Close the door!” , he said. So I did. Shortly after that he came out and said it was time for me to go. I left but not before I heard him tell his daughter. “Now baby you can’t go around telling people you’s got cancer, that was the neighbor and it isn’t contagious.” I left relieved knowing she’d be ok. ( For the record and many years later we laughed about that moment and still keep in touch, just not on facebook.)

In recent years I’ve crossed many conversations where people come up with the most incredible things to keep others in a state of mental catatonics. I call it a Blue Card. It is a strategy created to immobilize others using elements of social psychology like religion or decorum or even common decency. It’s incredibly effective, especially if part of the psychology is actually true. I mean how could you possibly say anything remotely mean spirited or indecent about someone receiving a high honor that probably isn’t deserved when they actually have cancer. You can’t, you just can’t. You are left to sit in your seat and rot with whatever emotion you are feeling because you are a good human being and you value your own life and that of others. But deeper inside, in that intuitive part of your heart where the words of man or theatrics cannot penetrate, you also realize how everyone of us, with or without cancer can all become a crucial pawn in someone’s elaborate game of getting their way.